The Bedrock of Your Life
Picture your life as a building project. You’re the architect, the construction crew and the person who’s going to live there. Your marriage and family are the house you’re dreaming of. But first you have to pour the foundation, and that can be hard work. This foundation isn’t concrete and steel. It’s your spiritual, emotional and personal growth. If one part is weaker than the rest, the whole foundation is at risk. Our goal is to grow up fully in each of these areas so that when we move into the next season, like starting a family, we’re ready. Shortcuts make things shaky. A solid, godly foundation keeps you standing.
You might be in a different season of life, but this principle works for everyone. It’s also important to ask if the person you’re interested in has a similar foundation. If they don’t, that might be a warning sign.
The cornerstone of this foundation is a relationship with Jesus. If we don’t build a godly foundation while we’re single, we risk building something that cracks under the weight of a relationship.
The goal is to be so satisfied in every area of your life that you don’t feel the need to date because you’re lonely, bored or trying to fill a hole. If those feelings keep coming up, that’s a strong sign your foundation needs work.
Look at it from God’s point of view. He made you with your own gifts, talents and passions. The more you live the way He designed you, the more fulfilled you’ll be. And remember, whatever you’re unhappy about while single won’t magically go away when you get married. Only Jesus can truly complete you.
Let’s look at the things God gave you that make up your personal foundation: your hobbies, talents, convictions, callings and your identity in Christ.
Before you start dating, stop and ask yourself: Do I know myself well enough? Sometimes we jump into relationships without really knowing who we are, and then we start changing ourselves just to be liked.
God made us in love and accepts us as we are. Can we say the same about how we see ourselves? When we get how deep God’s love for us is, we won’t need another person to fill us up.
This matters in marriage too. If your spouse becomes your main source of fulfillment, you’ll feel lost when they’re having a bad day. God should be your first love. His love never runs out.
So this is the foundation we’re talking about: Jesus as your main source of love and fulfillment, not just while you’re single, but even more in marriage.
Discovering How God Made You
God designed each of us carefully, with our own gifts, talents and passions. Understanding and living out those parts of who we are should come from our connection with God, not from a relationship with a potential partner. Knowing how He made you is part of knowing Him, and it draws you closer to Him.
Ask yourself these questions as you try to understand how God made you:
- What are your hobbies?
- What are your unique talents?
- What do you believe your calling is?
- What are your personal convictions?
- What aspects of your identity are you currently cultivating?
These questions are meant to help you look inside and know yourself better, so you can own who you are in Christ. If you let someone else’s interests or attention shape who you are, you become a chameleon, always changing to fit in. Instead, be who God made you and let it shine.
As you build your foundation, think about the abilities and interests God gave you. Maybe you love to sing, dance or write. Maybe you’re great at math, you’re a strong writer, or you’re a natural leader. These are all part of who God made you.
Find these gifts and grow them before you start dating. A lot of young adults spend so much time chasing relationships that they never develop what God put in them.
The enemy often uses relationships that go nowhere to distract us from giving glory to Jesus. I often tell people, if they replaced the time spent daydreaming about a romantic interest with reading the Bible, they could probably add three to five hours of scriptural study to their day.
Another big one is your mission. What has God put you here to do? It could be a role in a church, a job or a mission. What has God called you to do?
Next, think about your personal convictions. These could be things like purity, integrity, courage, boldness, love and generosity. They’re principles from God that should stay steady in you, like a compass that guides your choices. Knowing and living these convictions makes your foundation stronger and helps you build stronger, deeper relationships.
Discovering Who I Am
This model of identity and action comes straight out of the Bible. Let’s walk through it.
1. Core – Who you are?
First we need to know who we are in God’s eyes. That shapes our core. Ephesians 2:10 (NIV) says it this way:
“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”
In Christ, we are loved, chosen and made with a purpose. Our core identity doesn’t come from what we’ve done. It comes from what’s been done for us: God’s love shown through Christ’s sacrifice.
2. Actions – What do you do?
Our actions flow out of our core. They show who we are in Christ. James 2:17 (NIV) says:
“In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.”
When our identity is rooted in Christ, our actions start lining up with God’s will. We don’t do them out of duty or fear, but out of love and thankfulness.
3. Fruit – The result of your actions
The “fruit” is what comes out of our actions: what we accomplish and the recognition we get. Galatians 5:22-23 (NIV) paints the picture:
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.”
When we live out who we are in Christ, the fruit of the Spirit shows up in our lives. It’s not for our own glory. It’s God’s love showing through us and pointing back to Him.
Core – Who are we?
Knowing who we are at the core comes from knowing God and our relationship with Him. First and most important, it’s about who we are in Jesus. The Bible teaches us in 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NIV), “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” Jesus makes us new, and that makes us children of God.
Our beliefs and values grow out of that identity. The Holy Spirit and the Bible shape them. Galatians 5:22-23 (NIV) says, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” When we let the Holy Spirit lead us, these things start showing up in our lives.
If we don’t let Jesus shape our lives, and we let someone else lead us instead, that person becomes a kind of god to us, and the real God gets pushed aside. Matthew 6:24 (NIV) warns us, “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other.” That’s why we have to build our relationship with God first.
Knowing who God is and how much He loves us gives us a strong foundation. 1 John 4:16 (NIV) says, “And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.” When we understand how deeply God loves us, our faith gets hard to shake. As we read in Psalms 62:6 (NIV), “Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.”
So our core is about knowing God, understanding His love for us, and letting that shape everything. Build on that and your faith won’t be shaken.
Actions – What do we do?
Our actions come out of who we are as God’s children. That includes our hobbies, passions, likes and dislikes. You can tell a lot about someone from what they do every day. Our actions may change as we grow, but they usually stay pretty consistent.
The Bible says in James 1:22-24 (NIV), “Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.” What we do should match what we believe.
We need to know who we are from the inside out. Don’t just copy the hobbies and passions of someone you like to get their attention. Romans 12:2 (NIV) warns us, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
We live for an audience of One: God. People change, but God doesn’t. Hebrews 13:8 (NIV) reminds us, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.” So focus on pleasing God with what you do, not people.
Our actions come from being God’s children. They should match what we believe, and we should live to please God, not people. That’s how we become who we really are.
Fruit – What’s the result of our actions?
The results of our actions can look like achievements, awards, titles, resumes and so on. The world usually works from the outside in, but God’s Kingdom works from the inside out. The Bible tells us in Luke 6:45 (NIV), “A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” What’s in our heart comes out in what we do.
We’re called to live out God’s Kingdom in our own lives, and the fruit should spill over to the people around us. Galatians 5:22-23 (NIV) says, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” That’s the kind of fruit God wants to see in us.
Only focusing on achievements can be shallow, but we do need to look at the big picture of how we’re growing and maturing. If you join a life with no fruit with another life with no fruit, you’ll still have a life with no fruit. But if you join a fruitful life with another fruitful life, together they’ll produce even more fruit.
God measures success differently than the world does. But He does want to see fruit in our lives. In John 15:16 (NIV), Jesus says, “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last.” God wants us to live fruitful lives, not empty ones.
So the result of our actions is the fruit we produce. God wants good fruit that comes from a heart full of His love.
Practical Steps
1. Develop your identity
Anchor who you are in Christ’s love for you. Your value doesn’t come from how you perform or whether people approve of you. It comes from God’s love, which is bigger than we can understand. Zephaniah 3:17 (NIV) says:
“The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”
This is God telling you what you’re worth. Think about it and let it shape who you are.
2. Align your actions
Once your identity is rooted in Christ, line up your actions with what He teaches. As you live out your faith, remember Colossians 3:23-24 (NIV):
“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”
Do what you do because you love God and want to serve Him with your whole heart.
3. Manifest the fruit
As your actions line up with God’s will, your life will bear the fruit of the Spirit. Let people see Christ in you through that fruit. Matthew 5:16 (NIV) says:
“In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”
When you live this way, what you accomplish isn’t just a trophy for you. It points to God’s glory.
The Christian life works from the inside out. It starts with your identity in Christ, then your actions line up with what He teaches, then the fruit of the Spirit shows up, and God gets the glory in everything you do.
Making a Living of Blessing Others
As believers, we need to understand how God has blessed us so we can bless the world. Usually that shows up where three things meet: competitive skill, livelihood and passion. When we see these strengths and grow them, we can build God’s kingdom in every part of life, whether we’re single, married or have kids. Build a solid foundation before you get into a relationship, because relationships come with more and more responsibility.
What the Bible Says About Using Our Strengths
Finding and using our strengths is a biblical idea. The Bible tells us to find the talents and abilities God gave us and use them for His glory and to help others.
Parable of the Talents (Matthew 25:14-30)
In the Parable of the Talents, Jesus teaches us to take care of the resources and gifts He gives us. Each servant got talents based on their ability, and the ones who used them well were praised and given more responsibility.
Diversity of Gifts (1 Corinthians 12:4-6)
Paul tells us to use our unique skills and gifts to serve God and others. There are many different gifts in the body of Christ, and every one of them matters and should be used for the good of everyone.
Aligning Desires with God’s Will (Psalm 37:4)
The Bible tells us to line up our passions and desires with God’s will. Psalm 37:4 states, “Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” When we find our joy in the Lord, our desires start lining up with His purposes, and life gets meaningful.
Working Hard for a Living
Scripture also talks about earning a living. It tells us to work hard and provide for ourselves and others.
Diligence in Work (Proverbs 12:11)
Proverbs 12:11 states, “Whoever works his land will have plenty of bread, but he who follows worthless pursuits lacks sense.” Work hard, provide for yourself and give back to the people around you.
How We Bless Others
The Bible shows that our competitive skills, livelihood and passion matter. When we line them up with God’s plan for our lives, we can make a real difference in the world around us. Scripture calls us to take care of our abilities, find joy in serving God and others, and work hard at things that produce something. When we do that, we build a solid foundation to live out our calling and add to God’s kingdom.
To understand yourself better, look at how God equipped you to bless the world. You’ll often find it where these three meet:
- Competitive Skill
- Livelihood
- Passion
1. Competitive Skill
The Bible teaches us to grow our skills so we can bless others:
- Proverbs 22:29 (NIV): “Do you see someone skilled in their work? They will serve before kings; they will not serve before officials of low rank.” Being skilled at your work matters. A strong skill puts you in places of influence where you can make a bigger impact.
A competitive skill goes beyond a hobby. It’s an ability that adds value to other people’s lives. Hobbies are fun for you. Competitive skills bless other people in a real way.
When we find our strengths and put in the time and effort to grow them, we can make a difference in the world. School, training and practice are how we sharpen our skills and get really good.
Using Our Competitive Skills for Others
The Bible tells us to use our skills to bless others and serve God’s purposes:
- 1 Peter 4:10 (NIV): “Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” Our skills and abilities are gifts from God. We’re called to be faithful with them and use them to serve and bless others.
You can use your skills in your job, as a volunteer or in ministry. They let you make a difference in people’s lives and show them God’s love and grace.
Keep Growing
Growing your skills never really stops. It takes commitment and a heart that wants to keep learning:
- Philippians 1:6 (NIV): “Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” God is always at work in us, shaping our skills. We can trust Him to lead us as we grow.
As you find your skills, look for ways to grow. That could mean finding a mentor, going back to school, or getting hands-on experience.
Growing your skills is part of following Jesus. Find your strengths, invest in them, and use them to serve others. God gave you these gifts. It’s a privilege and a responsibility to use them to bless people, show His love and build His kingdom.
2. Livelihood
The Bible talks about earning a living and the value of hard work:
Proverbs 12:11 (NIV)
“Those who work their land will have abundant food, but those who chase fantasies have no sense.”
Work hard and take responsibility for your living. People who do productive work enjoy what they earn. People who chase fantasies and avoid work end up without.
Finding Work That Matters
The Bible encourages us to find work that adds value to other people’s lives while meeting our own needs:
1 Thessalonians 4:11-12 (NIV): “Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.”
Work hard and take care of your own business. When you do, people respect you and you can stand on your own two feet.
Work That Fits Your Values and Passions
Your work shouldn’t just be about money. It should fit your values and passions and be a way to make a real difference in the world:
Colossians 3:23-24 (NIV): “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”
Work with your whole heart, because in the end you’re serving the Lord. Your job is a chance to honor God and build His kingdom.
Building Skills for Work With Purpose
Building skills and earning a living isn’t just for you. It’s for your future self, your family and others. The Bible says hard work matters, and so does taking good care of the resources and abilities God gave you.
When your work lines up with your values, your passions and Scripture, you can find real satisfaction in it and make a difference in the world around you.
Livelihood is how we earn a living and support ourselves. The Bible teaches us to work hard, take care of what we’ve been given, and line up our work with our values and passions. When we work hard and add value to other people’s lives, we meet our needs, honor God and help build His kingdom. So as you grow your skills and build your career, work with integrity and serve the Lord with your whole heart.
3. Passion
The Bible also talks about passion and how to use it to serve others:
1 Peter 4:10 (ESV): “As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace.”
God gave each of us gifts, and He calls us to use them to serve each other. Our passions are often tied to those gifts. When you’re passionate about something, it’s a sign God put a gift inside you for it. Even when it gets hard, that passion keeps you going.
Owning the Passions God Gave You
Our passions aren’t just about having fun for a while. They show how God made us, and they give us a sense of purpose. When you’re passionate about something, you keep growing and pushing to get better at it, because you love the way God wired you to do it.
Finding and owning your passions is a big part of building your foundation. Look for the place where your skills, your livelihood and your passion meet. That’s where you can use your abilities, make a living and find deep joy in serving others.
Loving God With Passion in Everything You Do
Building skills and making a good living matter, but it matters just as much to love God with passion in everything you do. Your work and goals should fit your values so you can fully express your love for God.
You can love and honor God in anything. But there are certain things that make you come alive, because they fit the way God made you. Those passions are gifts from Him. When you embrace them, life is full of purpose and joy.
Passion is the deep excitement and drive you have for certain things. It’s tied to the gifts God put in you, and it pushes you to go after things with joy. When your passions line up with God’s purposes, and you find where your skills, livelihood and passion meet, you can serve people well and make a difference. Love God with passion in what you do, and your life will show His grace and glory.
Finding Where They Meet
Where these three meet (competitive skill, livelihood and passion) is often where we find our calling and purpose. It’s the place where your abilities, your income and your heart line up. When you live there, you’re in a great position to bless the world and build God’s kingdom.
Grow your skills, line up your work with your values and passions, and feed your deepest passions. That’s how you find your role in serving others and moving God’s purposes forward. Pray, look honestly at yourself, and ask God for direction. He’ll show you where these three meet and how to use them to bless the world.
Everyone’s path is different. God made each person with specific gifts and purposes. As you keep learning about yourself and leaning on God’s wisdom, you’ll find your part in making a difference in the world around you.
Here are some key steps to consider:
- Self-Assessment: Think about your strengths, skills and passions. What brings you joy?
- Seek God’s Guidance: Spend time in prayer and ask God for wisdom and direction. Ask Him to show you His plan for your life.
- Learn and Grow: Invest in yourself by reading, learning from mentors, and picking up new knowledge and skills.
- Take Action: Step out of your comfort zone and move toward your calling. Say yes to opportunities and challenges that fit your skills and passions.
- Persevere and Adapt: Keep going when it’s hard and be ready to adjust. You’ll need to be flexible and resilient as you live out your calling.
Key Takeaways
- Personal relationship with God: Life in a Kingdom Family starts with a strong personal relationship with God. We grow it through prayer, studying the Bible, and asking Him to guide every part of our lives.
- Essential elements of a Kingdom Family: A Kingdom Family is different from an earthly family that doesn’t know God. It’s centered on obeying the Holy Spirit and growing our relationship with God. It’s made up of mentors, brothers and sisters, disciples, and unbelievers.
- Mentors: Mentors help us grow spiritually by passing on wisdom and showing us how to live. They remind us who we are and what we’re here for in God’s Kingdom.
- Brothers and Sisters: Spiritual brothers and sisters walk with us on our journey with God. They sharpen us, keep us accountable, and help us grow in things like confronting, forgiving and giving grace. They can also help us see how spiritually mature a potential partner is.
- Disciples: Making disciples is at the center of being a Christian. As followers of Jesus, we’re called to guide and care for others and help them get closer to Him. How we disciple others shows how mature we are.
- Unbelievers: Caring for unbelievers reflects Jesus’s love for the lost. We’re called to share His love with people who don’t know Him yet, and to show mercy and care to the spiritually blind and broken.
- Relationship introspection: Take an honest look at your relationships and see where you can grow. Do you have mentors? Healthy relationships with brothers and sisters? People you’re discipling? How are you impacting unbelievers?
Remember, how we grow spiritually is tied up with how we build and handle our relationships in the Kingdom Family.
Closing Thoughts
A strong personal foundation matters for every season of life. Build it on a relationship with Jesus. Line up your skills, your work and your passion with God’s purposes. Look for ways to bless others. That’s how you find your calling and make a difference in the world.
God gave each of us specific gifts, talents and passions. When we grow them and use them, we find fulfillment and we help move God’s kingdom forward. Rooted in who you are in Christ, you can go after your passions, sharpen your skills and build a career that fits your values with confidence.
There will be challenges and unknowns along the way, but you can trust that God is always shaping and leading you. Pray, look honestly at yourself, and ask for His direction. He’ll show you the path to a life full of purpose.
As you figure out your calling, I pray you find joy in the process, get closer to God, and stay open to where He leads. May your foundation be solid, built on the love of Christ, and may you bless the world and make a difference in the people around you.
Remember, you are fearfully and wonderfully made, and God has a specific plan and purpose for your life. Own who God made you, grow your gifts, and trust Him every step of the way. That’s where you’ll find fulfillment, purpose and a life that brings glory to God.
