Flourishing within the Kingdom Family is a journey of spiritual growth and relationship-building, all centered around the divine perspective imparted by Jesus. You see, God has instilled certain truths within the Bible that guide us towards optimal maturity. We’ll start by delving into the first critical building block of this process – our personal relationship with God.
Moving on, we’ll discuss another key building block – our relationship within the family, our Kingdom Family. We’ll tackle some of the profound obstacles that our generation frequently encounters within relationships. As we progress, we’ll be exploring the facets of courtship, marriage, and parenthood.
Our aim is to foster a resilient Kingdom Family before venturing into the creation of our own families. This proves to be a challenge for many I collaborate with, as a significant number of our missionaries and staff come from tribal backgrounds or orphanages, and numerous unsaved families. Their past is often marred with instances of sexual abuse, occasionally even within the church, creating hurdles in forming their Kingdom Family.
For many of our tribal and orphan missionaries, our base serves as their only Kingdom Family. As such, I urge those without a Kingdom Family at home to contemplate joining our staff. This provides a secure environment for continued spiritual growth alongside the Lord. Remember, God never intended us to grapple with life’s tribulations single-handedly. Our decision-making process and spiritual battles are meant to be carried out with the support of a family in God.
Essential Elements of a Kingdom Family
Unveiling the distinctness of a Kingdom Family as compared to an earthly family that is unsaved is vital. An unsaved earthly family may not follow Jesus, but a Kingdom Family anchors its every action on obedience to the Holy Spirit and nurturing their relationship with God. When shaping crucial life decisions, we strive to base them on God’s word rather than worldly wisdom. That’s why it’s pivotal that we cultivate our Kingdom Family together.
One significant aspect of our Kingdom Family involves various roles, including mentors, brothers and sisters, disciples, and even unbelievers. These relational categories, diverse in nature, are the cornerstones of our spiritual family:
- Mentors – Individuals from whom we gain wisdom through teachings and lifestyle examples.
- Brothers and Sisters – Peers with whom we walk the path of faith, neither mentors nor disciples but akin to friends within the Kingdom.
- Disciples – People to whom we model Jesus’s teachings, guiding them in their spiritual journey.
- Unbelievers – Individuals outside our inner circle but are part of our lives, providing opportunities for us to share God’s word.
These four categories collectively form the foundation for our spiritual growth. An imbalance, either due to a missing category or overemphasis on one, results in a deviation from biblical principles. Jesus, in His compassion, yearns for us all to experience a spiritual family and continually invites more people to join our spiritual circle. This vision aligns with our inherent human design.
However, personal traumas or brokenness can cause us to shirk, lack, or flee from one of these relational aspects. Hoping that a romantic partner can fill this void often culminates in complications in the future. The absence of any of these four parts can lead to shortcomings, even within marriage and family formation.
Before venturing into dating or marriage, it’s crucial that these different pieces are present in our lives. For instance, if we lack spiritual mentors, we won’t have individuals guiding us through various life stages. Brothers and sisters often offer us a platform to learn about forgiveness, transparency, and humility. Disciples teach us how to become leaders and be models for those who follow God through us. If we don’t have unbelievers in our lives, we miss out on living as the “salt and light,” as Jesus instructed us. Hence, introspection is crucial to identify if we lack any of these four relational categories.
Additional questions we might ask include: Is there a relationship here that I find particularly challenging? Maybe trauma from my past makes it hard for me to connect with my brothers and sisters. Perhaps I struggle to follow leaders due to previous experiences with abusive authority figures. Or, maybe I lack healthy disciples in my life because I’m yet to mature enough to model Christ’s life to someone.
It’s essential to consider whether unbelievers are impacted by our lives, or whether we are influenced by unbelievers in our lives. Each of these categories aids us in assessing our relational maturity. It’s advisable to consider marriage only when these relationships reflect a high level of maturity.
Mentors: Teachers and Lifestyle Guides
“I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well. For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands,” (2 Timothy 1:5-6, ESV).
God desires for us to have individuals in our lives who reaffirm our identity, a sense of belonging, and the compassionate heart of God. The Apostle Paul demonstrated this principle with Timothy, knowing it was a reflection of his Heavenly Father. Paul was cognizant of his identity as a child of God and passed on what he learned from his Heavenly Father to his spiritual children.
In the 2 Timothy 1:5-6 reference, Paul urges Timothy to remember the faith of his elders, to fan the flame of the gift God has given him, acknowledging the role of mentors in Timothy’s spiritual journey. Timothy was able to complete his journey, not merely through self-reliance but with the guidance and support of his mentors. Paul and Timothy, both frontier missionaries of the first church, had a mutual understanding of learning from each other’s lives, including the persecution they endured.
In essence, mentors play a crucial role in reminding us of our identity and our God-given gifts. They help us identify our purpose within God’s Kingdom. Therefore, it is important to have Kingdom family members, not merely earthly family members. For some of us, our earthly family may be saved and thus, also act as our Kingdom family. However, for others, our earthly family may not be saved, and they do not represent our Kingdom family.
Instead of seeking our identity from our earthly family, we ought to look towards our Kingdom family for affirmation of who we are in God. They can also gauge our maturity level and provide guidance during our struggles. For instance, an earthly parent may advise you to marry a rich woman with an impressive educational background and a high-profile job. In contrast, a Kingdom parent might advise you to find a woman of faith, purity, integrity, and one who cherishes God’s word and loves Jesus.
In conclusion, the wisdom of God should form the basis of our decisions rather than worldly advice. This concept is crucial, especially when entering relationships or marriages. In a world filled with fallenness, we must trust and follow God’s lead, regardless of the circumstances. For some, the Kingdom Family might be smaller than their earthly family. However, it is these individuals who have said yes to following Him that God blesses us with.
Brothers and Sisters: Our Companions in the Journey with God
In Proverbs 27:17 (NLT), we find a powerful message: “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” This verse reflects God’s desire for us to journey toward His Kingdom with companions by our side – our spiritual brothers and sisters.
The Importance of Spiritual Siblings
In the Christian journey, brothers and sisters serve a critical role. They embody the principle of ‘iron sharpens iron’. These relationships are the crucible in which we learn key spiritual skills such as confrontation, forgiveness, and extending grace to others.
Biblical teachings, like those found in Matthew 18:15, instruct us on how to address sin in others: “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.” These interactions with our spiritual siblings are essential to practice grounds for maintaining our lives in the light and overcoming sin.
The Role of Spiritual Siblings in Relationships
Spiritual siblings are not only vital in our individual spiritual growth but also play a significant role when it comes to romantic relationships. As it is written in Galatians 6:1 (NIV), “Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently.” This verse implies that our spiritual brothers and sisters can provide guidance in assessing the spiritual maturity of our potential partners and caution us if we are straying into sin.
The Blessings of Spiritual Companionship
Developing a deep connection with our brothers and sisters in Christ helps us foster a healthy communication lifestyle. For instance, in a marriage, a spouse isn’t the sole confidant. Proverbs 15:22 (NIV) states, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers, they succeed.” Our spiritual siblings become a part of our broader advisory council, knowing our likes, hobbies, and struggles, thus enriching our spiritual journey.
Navigating Close Relationships
The bond with our spiritual siblings should be carefully navigated to avoid potential conflicts, especially concerning future spouses. Ecclesiastes 4:12 (NIV) offers wisdom on this topic: “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” This verse encourages us to develop relationships that are beneficial to all parties involved, promoting trust and openness, not jealousy.
Lifelong Accountability
One of the greatest dangers Christians face is isolation, a fertile ground for sin to take root. As Paul writes in Hebrews 10:24-25 (NIV), “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another.” This exhortation extends to all stages of our lives, emphasizing the need for continual spiritual growth and accountability among brothers and sisters in Christ.
Our focus should be on cultivating these deep, beneficial relationships, rather than on transient, shallow connections. The richness of our spiritual journey relies heavily on the company we keep as we walk towards God’s Kingdom.
Disciples: Guiding Others Closer to Jesus
John 21:17 (NLT) offers us a poignant exchange between Jesus and Peter: “A third time he asked him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” Peter was hurt that Jesus asked the question a third time. He said, “Lord, you know everything. You know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Then feed my sheep.”” Jesus’s emphasis on nurturing young believers – the lambs and sheep – suggests that discipleship is central to the Christian identity.
The Essence of Discipleship
When Peter reaffirmed his love for Jesus, Jesus’s instruction was clear and significant – care for His followers. This focus underscores the high priority Jesus placed on discipleship. Our identity as Christians involves continually guiding others, helping them grow closer to Jesus, akin to Matthew 28:19 (NIV): “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.”
Discipleship and Christian Maturity
The act of leading disciples reflects our growth and maturity as Christians. A healthy inflow of guidance from our leaders and a healthy outflow towards those we disciple signifies a vibrant relationship with Jesus. This maturity can be examined even in our romantic relationships, as per Ephesians 4:15 (NIV), “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.”
Unbelievers: Extending Jesus’s Love
Luke 10:34-37 (NLT) recounts the parable of the Good Samaritan, urging us to demonstrate mercy and care, not just to believers, but also to those who have yet to know Christ.
The Importance of Compassion for the Lost
The parable of the Good Samaritan underlines our mission to exhibit Jesus’s love, even towards those who are seen as outcasts or unbelievers. Jesus came to bring light to those lost and shrouded in the darkness of sin, offering forgiveness and salvation, as indicated in Luke 19:10 (NIV), “For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.”
Reflecting Jesus’s Love in Our Relationships
Our compassion towards unbelievers mirrors Jesus’s love for the lost. The preaching of the gospel was often driven by Jesus’s compassion for the spiritually blind and the broken, as seen in Matthew 9:36 (NIV): “When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.”
Through the parable of the Good Samaritan, Jesus teaches us that showing physical care to the hurting is an essential part of God’s love. As our understanding of Jesus’s heart deepens, so should our compassion for those who are spiritually blind and emotionally wounded.
Take a moment to examine your relationships in light of these insights, asking yourself and the Lord, “Where else can I mature in my relationships?” Refer to the cross of relationships on page nine for this introspection. Remember, our spiritual growth is mirrored in how we cultivate and navigate our relationships with both disciples and unbelievers.